Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
