I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
farters have to be the big spoon...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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