You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
