i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
