I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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