so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
