Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
