its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
