From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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