Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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