Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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