dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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