You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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