why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
