Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
