So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
