I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
