Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
