I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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