A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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