I'm eating all of the evidence.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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