i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
