oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
