That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
