i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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