You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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