I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
