I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
