The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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