hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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