I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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