it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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