Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
