He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
