i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
