You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
