dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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