WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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