I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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