oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
