now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
