whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
