why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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