The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
