i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
pop tarts are not kleenex
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
