he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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