I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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