Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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