and she was petting her beer can
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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