Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
