so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
