Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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