Barsexuality is the new black.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
