oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
