We're like a lot better than the average bears
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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