there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I wish i was in the wii world.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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