Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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