i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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