The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Dicks are not precious.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
