she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
